


He and I

by shye_rin



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28286019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shye_rin/pseuds/shye_rin
Summary: Hyukjae gets too caught up with life. Donghae reminds him of things that matter in life.
Relationships: Lee Donghae/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk
Comments: 2
Kudos: 85





	He and I

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little something for everyone. Happy holidays 🎄

The insistent knocks were jarring in the near silence of the room.

Hyukjae groaned. He’d just managed to will his eyes to get some rest. Burrowing his head deeper under the thick blanket, he hoped whoever it was would go away.

That was his mistake however. Moments later he was divested off of his very warm blanket. He shivered, curling into himself in a gesture of defiance.

“Up,” the intruder said imperiously.

“No.”

Hyukjae cracked open one eye to see Donghae standing at the foot of his bed. Hyukjae’s very warm blanket was thrown carelessly on the ground next to him. He debated if it was possible for him to lunge for it while simultaneously shoving the other out of the room.

“I can hear the cogs in your brain working.” The younger man rolled his eyes.

Donghae grabbed the blanket off the floor and tossed it farther away. There was a determined look on his face as Hyukjae watched him open his closet and started throwing random items of clothing in Hyukjae’s direction. The older gave him a mutinous look.

“Scary.” Donghae was now staring down at him. “Wear those and get up.”

“What the hell for?” Hyukjae groaned again, finally sitting up.

Once Donghae got in a mood there was no escaping it. He was like a dog with a bone. Brain still foggy with sleep, he struggled to change into the clothes strewn around him. Donghae simply watched him, unmoving. It made him feel oddly disconnected.

When they finally stepped outside in silence, the cold night air hit him in the face. Winter was around the corner. The chill was an indication that it would come sooner this year. And it did little to rid the discomfort he felt.

Hyukjae stopped in his tracks. Donghae’s car was parked in front of them. The other was already getting into it.

“We’re driving somewhere?”

“Hyukjae. Just get in.”

There was finality to his tone that left no room for arguments. Hyukjae clamped his mouth shut and climbed inside the car. He felt Donghae let out a harsh breath, as if whatever tension he felt earlier was expelled from his body.

They stayed silent as Donghae drove them under the blanket of night. Streetlights flashed around them, growing brighter and brighter as the darkness grew. Hyukjae watched the street signs blur into unfamiliar territory.

Still, he said nothing.

He didn’t know how much time had passed. His driver remained silent throughout their journey. It gave Hyukjae time to observe the other under the flicker of lights.

The way he gripped the wheel in one hand, his other arm propped on the side. It was a gesture so familiar to him. He’d almost forgotten as they became increasingly busy.

_How long since they’d last done this?_

Hyukjae really wanted to ask.

Words weren’t his strongest forte. Neither were feelings. His actions often reflected his lack thereof. So he kept his silence, occasionally glancing at his equally silent companion.

There used to be nights like this.

Nights filled with comfortable silence and long drives through unknown country lanes. They were younger, more carefree then, as if the weight of expectations and reality wasn’t pressing on them. Perhaps they hadn’t yet succumbed to the jaded arms of life.

It was a temporary solace.

He didn’t know when he’d fallen asleep. The next thing he knew, Donghae was gently shaking him awake. Hyukjae blinked, disoriented. He looked out at the darkness stretching before them.

Turning, he was about to ask where they were, but Donghae’s already standing outside. His face was impassive as he stared into the distance. Hyukjae sighed and climbed out of the car.

He came to stand beside the other. “What’re we doing here?”

“Thought we could use some fresh air,” the younger answered simply.

Hyukjae shivered as a gust of wind blew up the cliff and burrowed deeper into his oversized coat. He took in their surroundings properly for the first time.

They were near the coastline. Glowing pinpricks in the distance were the only source of light nearby. From here, he could hear the crashing of waves at the bottom of the cliff. There was nothing else for miles.

Just the two of them.

For the first time in a long while, Hyukjae felt an invisible weight being lifted off his shoulders. He inhaled sharply as if it was the first time he’s breathing properly since he’d woken up from his bed.

A myriad of emotions crashed through him. The noise was deafening, almost drowning the rolling waves below their feet. A hand came to grasp his upper arm, strong and steady. It brought everything to a crashing halt.

He staggered a little at the intensity.

“Feeling better?” Donghae asked; his voice even softer in the wind.

Hyukjae squeezed the hand on his arm in answer. He was enveloped in a warm embrace a moment later. His vision blurred at the proximity but he held on tighter as he closed his eyes to savour the heat.

This was the comfort he missed.

He didn’t realise they were drifting apart until something invisible formed between them. The realisation was swift – almost clinical. The cracks in their relationship making themselves known one by one.

Part of him knew it was mostly his fault. Either too caught up with work, chasing the ideals of what growing up meant that there wasn’t time for anything else. If he wasn’t caught up chasing the taunting shadows of expectations, he was overwhelmed by himself.

The intensity of his emotions, the feelings Donghae stirred within him, it scared him. It came to a point when it was too much for him to handle. He wanted so desperately to escape and not feel for a moment, he’d forgotten what mattered most.

And yet, when he was alone in bed waiting for sleep to come, Donghae was all he could think about. In the cold, lonely bed he often shared with the younger, memories of their time together on replay in the dark.

Hyukjae knew he pulled away because he felt too much.

Even as they stood in the freezing cold, surrounded by darkness and nothingness, he knew. But he wasn’t sure how to fix it.

Was there anything left to fix, he wondered past the pounding in his ears.

“I’m sorry,” Hyukjae said finally, voice muffled by the other’s thick coat. “I’m so sorry.”

Sorry for being distant. Sorry for not knowing what to do with himself. Sorry for not talking it out like the adult he so desperately wanted to be.

Donghae squeezed him tighter, saying nothing. But Hyukjae could feel the reassurance in the way he held his body. His mind slowly stopped whirling. He let himself listen to the beat of Donghae’s heart, loud against his ear but soothing nonetheless.

“I’ve got you,” Donghae whispered against his temple. Hot breath in contrast with the air. “I’ll always be here.”

Hyukjae mustered enough energy to pull away slightly so he could look at the other’s face. His vision blurred. He hadn’t noticed he was crying. Donghae freed one hand to wipe away the tears. His touch gentle.

He missed this. _I miss you._

Cold lips touched his forehead, his temple, his cheeks, his nose, his closed eyelids… and finally, his cold, chafed lips. Hyukjae let out a sigh of relief, warmth seeping under his skin at the contact. He tasted the salt of his tears, but the kiss also tasted uniquely of Donghae.

“You’ll be fine,” the younger murmured as they pulled away. The love in his gaze was blinding. What once made Hyukjae want to run away, he realised at this moment he shouldn’t have. “We’ll be fine.”

“Will we?” Hyukjae asked, scrutinising the handsome face, so familiar.

With a hand on Hyukjae’s cheek, Donghae nodded. There was a smile on his face. It was a mixture of kindness, love, regret and things unspoken for so long between them.

“I can’t promise you it will get better immediately,” the other continued, his thumb caressing his cheek now. “But time has a way of healing things and people. And you can take all the time that you need. We’ll do this together.

Words that were bubbling up his throat remained stuck. He swallowed the constriction in his throat. God, he loved this man so much it hurt. How could he stay away for so long?

“But promise me this. If you feel too much or too little, let me know,” Donghae went on to say. “We’ll find a way together.” A pause. “Like we always do.”

Hyukjae didn’t respond immediately. He raised a hand and placed it on top of Donghae’s. His hand on the younger’s cold one.

“Thank you.” He kissed the palm of Donghae’s hand. “Thank you for being you. For me. For us.”

Even in the dark, he could clearly see the smile on the other’s face. Filled with love and warmth, so guileless and unguarded yet firm. A reflection of who he was as a man.

Eventually they piled back into the car when the cold became too much. They put the heater on just as Donghae pulled the car back onto the road. This time the silence was comforting, like a warm embrace. It assured him that they would be alright.

Hyukjae felt his eyes grow heavier. The hum of the engine a comfortable buzz.

“Sleep,” he heard Donghae say. “I’ll be here when you wake. We can talk then.”

Hyukjae gave him a sleepy smile and willed his body to relax.

As he closed his eyes, the world around them seemed to fall away. Only he and Donghae remained. Memories of them whirring through his mind like a montage from so long ago. And Hyukjae knew now, there was more to come. After all, the journey was theirs and they would go forward together.

Their connection so deeply rooted in years of ease and trust, feelings unbidden. He couldn’t wait for more of it.

Before he let sleep take over, Hyukjae managed to mumble out a question, “I wonder what our story would seem like to everyone else?”

“Does it matter what we are in someone else’s story?” came the immediate reply. “The story of us, you and I, is all I care about because only I know the real you as you do me.”

Smiling, Hyukjae finally closed his eyes.

 _Their_ story.

**Author's Note:**

> The story isn't by any means festive, but it was something I wrote on a whim while trying to write another Haehyuk wip. And I promised myself I won't end 2020 without posting something. So this is it.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Wherever you are and whatever you do, take care and stay safe 💙


End file.
